My Sweet Ollie

Ollie girl,

This morning is the first morning in five and a half years that I won’t be taking care of your needs.
The first day that I won’t be planning my day around your play.
You, my sweet girl, brought so much joy to me and to both of your Dads.
You were my best friend. Some people would joke that that was sad, but I knew I was so lucky;
there was nothing sad about it.
But this, this is sad.

I hope you are feeling no more pain; I hope you and Rene are playing around again.
I miss you both. I am so angry I had to say goodbye so quick my little girl.
I feel cheated like we didn’t get enough time. Like we deserve more. You deserve more, your still just a pup.
I have felt this before and know all too well, the good die young.
I can honestly say every day of my life since you have been in it, your happiness was of the utmost importance and I think you had a great life.
But that doesn’t make me less hurt to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye was more peace then I had felt since Tuesday morning when your pain started.
It was the first time I felt you calm again, not scared to be in your own body.
I am so sorry I let them take your life
it was the only way to take away your pain.

Jordache and I are missing you like crazy, and we haven't even make it back home yet.
You are so missed and home without you doesn't make sense
Because see there was no separation.
I will miss snuggles every morning in bed
He will miss you sprawling out on your side of the couch and stretching out to lay your body all over him.
We will miss you snooping around the kitchen when we are cooking even though you used to get in trouble for it every time.
I now have three free hours a day that we used to use for walks and play.
I will miss your sweet Ollie face and your calming Ollie smell.
Your presence will be missed for a long time my girl.
You are all I have known of my life for five years,
and for a time you were the only reason I got out of bed.

When your Dad died, I never wanted to live again, but there you were
you had so much life in you so we would walk.
We walked in the Okanagan mountains for months, the only thing that felt ok at the time.
We would walk so much that sometimes you would refuse, but somewhere along the path I found my stride again and we got back to life.
You got me through my worst and brought out my best.
You were protective of me when Jordache started coming around, but it wasn’t long until it was clear it was less that you didn’t want me to have his attention and more just that you wanted it.
You fell in love with him and he you, and for a little time, we were a family.
You, my girl, have lived a lot in your short life, and I was not going to let you live on in pain just so I wouldn’t have to say goodbye.

I know your last four days were really tough and I am so sorry for all the pain you felt. I wish I could have done more my baby, but no more could have been done.
So we did what was truly best for you my free-spirited full of sass little pup.
I hope you know we were trying to help you, we didn't want to leave you at the vets, we didn't want your last few days to be like that, it kills me that you had to go through that.
I am so sorry Ollie.
I wish they could have fixed it. I wish we could have had at least a few sweeter days before we said goodbye but that wasn't in our cards.
So I did what was right, and that meant that we never got to take you back home.

Home will be very lonely without you. I am dreading going back. You are as much a part of our home as each of us, your things all about, your spirit filled the place.
It will be empty without you.
I am empty without you.

Visit us all the time.
Sending you all my love on your next adventure.
Kisses and hugs my sweet little Ollie girl.